CoffinTramp

Jesusfucking cramping stupid uterus…
You’re killing my birthday week.
I could be having sex right now.
Instead, fingertips to toenails of agony.
Arrrrrrrrrrgh.

I wake up happy.
Snuggled in boyfriend’s bed.
But he’s still asleep.
So I think.

And I end up hating myself for the 4 years I put up with my asshat of an ex’s abusive habits.

Yay abusive relationships.
:/

I’m plotting to maybe, possibly, who know…

move downstate with Boy so he can pursue his desired Engineering degree at a better school than the one near by (if he gets into the program, which I do not doubt his brilliant ass will do easily) while I will probably try my hand at a Creative Writing degree, which is not a thing offered at the university near by.
They offer classes in Polish.
I need a 2.7 gpa to get into the program.
I’m reasonably sure I graduated community college with my totally generic ALA at a 2.1 gpa.

This may be a very horrible idea.
It may kill me.
So why can’t I talk myself out of it?

No drive, no desire… I just want to stay in bed.
Life is getting overwhelming again.

Supposed to go get coffee with the cute security guard later today.
I have no idea when/where, though. Because between yesterday being Giftmas and me sleeping on and off all day while he worked all night then had to be up all day… never did hear from him about it.

So now I’m listening to awful music and wanting cuddles so bad.

*sigh*

I agreed to go out on a coffee date in 2 days with the cute security guard who blew me off 2 weeks ago.

What am I doing???????

Cute security guard, after 2.5 weeks of “we should totally hang out, but I’m too bust this week” has decided to finally tell me that he’s started seeing someone else.

As of a week ago.
It’s just like, goddamn. Can’t I be anyone’s first choice? I always either get “we can still talk/be firneds”, they were cheating, or find out they were waiting on someone else to be single. I’m not pushy, I’m sorry, should I have been more insistant? That’s not me. I really thought he was cute, and sweet as fuck. I’m actually kind of pissed off to be honest. Why the fuck wait a WEEK to tell me, when I talked to you nearly every day of sid week??

Then my car wouldn’t start, so I was stuck in the parking lot at work for 20 fucking minutes while PassLock reset. (Fucky you, Chevrolet) Because I was in no mood to go in and sit with him while he still played all nice. 

And it was just a genrally shitty 10hrs at work, I tore up my arm on the golf cart again becaus someone keeps pulling the tape off the goddamned zip ties that hold the horn wire to the column. And on top that, of my Fuze is totally fucking not working. And I don’t have any other mp3 player at the moment.

I’m room-spinning drunk at 9am. 

I give no fucks.

Sweetjesusfuck, this boy is so shy/awkward and busy all the time… it’s killing me. 
Called off the fwb to pursue this. Now I’m humping air.

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Also, why is it so goddamned difficult to ask the cute security guard out for a another date-type-thing/real date?

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